Tears
by TurkishDeliqhtt
Summary: - Bliss is dealing with a tragic heartbreak. Unable to move on. Does he love her back anymore? She needs him back, but she doesn't want him back. Because of all the pain he has caused her she cant forgive him. So she leaves unable to deal anymore.
1. Beach

**Chapter 1 - Beach **

Thing's aren't always as they seem. My smile can hide my scars, pain, and my broken heart. The pain and agony of missing him. But I guess moving on is best.

People look at me, as I smile. They look at my wavy hair and tell me how thick and beautiful it is. I reply with a thank you. Some tell me a have a pretty smile. I also reply with a sweet thank you.

Some just plain tell me I'm gorgeous. But who said I wanted that? Well, I don't. Not from them anyway. I want him to say it. But he wont and never will. So I have to wipe my tears away, smile, and walk… away from it.

Honestly, I've tried. I don't know if I can though. I wish I knew if he thought of me like I think of hi. If only I knew. But I don't and I promise you I never will know.

"Why do you always do that?" my mom stopped at a red light.

"Do what?" I replied, questioningly.

"Daze off into space like an alien?"

"I am an alien…" I smirked.

"Ok, Bliss…" She gave me a weird look.

"Rawwr!"

"Dinosaurs say rawwr not aliens. Duh!" my brother butted in like the nosy little boy he is.

"What do aliens say then?"

"We come in peace." He said it in a robot tone, which made my mother and I giggle.

"Noah is an alien!" my mom yelled in a funny voice.

At that moment I saw him. Walking on the streets of Fairfield. My mom noticed me staring at him. But he had no clue I was right in front of him.

"Bliss?"

"Mhm." I looked at my hands on my lap, blinking away the tears. Keith… He just left me. Ran away from me. Let go of my hand without looking back and ran away.

"Mom can I go to the beach?"

"Umm, why?"

"Please, I just want to sit for a little there."

"Ok. Let me drop you off."

Five minutes later I was saying bye to my mom.

"Call me when your ready."

" 'Kay."

Sitting in the sand I remembered this was the same spot. The same spot we sat. Holding hands and laughing at our little jokes. Silence isn't so bad. Until looking at my hand The spaces between my fingers are where his fit perfectly… Wish he was here. Holding your hand. But never will it happen. It's okay… No it's not.

I sit in silence watching the waves, as my tears slip down my cheek.


	2. Mirror

_Chapter 2- Mirror _

_**He really doesn't want me back. This thought made me crouch down and start crying. I looked in my mirror. Looked at my blue nail polished fingers clasp around my mouth. My face turning red, as I try to hold back the shrieks. My tears run down my cheek black, because of my eyeliner. My makeup all ruined. I close my eyes. I didn't want to see myself. Not worthy… not worthy of him. Not good enough. I'm ugly.**_

_**I run into my kitchen and grab a knife. Sitting right in front of my mirror, I hesitate as I'm about to cut my cheek. I press the tip of the knifes blade against my right cheek. I start at the bottom of the bags under my eyes from crying and slice all the way down to the corner of my lips. My not good enough lips.**_

_**Carefully, I put the knife down, watching my cheek drip blood. I look at my reflection. Then look down at my hands. **_

_**I pick up the knife once more to gash open my wrists. I look at the scar on my arm and shiver… remembering the night of suicide. **_

_**I press down to make a line going vertically down my arm. Soon the blood starts dripping. **_

_**So painful. But I'm not worthy to wince in pain or even complain.**_

_**I just it in the corner of my room crying. Playing our song over and over again in my head. Replaying each moment we spent together. Replaying our conversations and laughter in my head. Just wishing I could hear his voice one last time. See his smile… Look in his beautiful eyes. I look up. The mirror is right in front of me as I realize I'm covered in blood.**_

_**I hope you lose a lot of blood and die I think to myself sit in the corner of my room trying to grant my wish. I honestly want to die. Across the room I see something shine. I crawl across my room floor, picking up whatever was under my dresser. **_

_**His chain. I hold it in my hands. Crawling up into a ball I begin to cry. The blood from my face now cover the chain. I pick up my head to look at it once more. I get up to throw it back across the room.**_

_**I start shrieking in pain. Pain from heart break. Punching the walls my fist start bleeding. My fist goes through all the way, but I continue punching. Remembering everything we did. He fucked me, then he left me! He just left. Both my fist bleeding. I stop. Finally, I decide I've had enough.**_

_**I go into my bathroom. Blood everywhere, I jump in the shower with my blood stained clothes. I take everything off in the shower and throw it out. Too much blood. **_

_**Sitting in the shower, I let the water run through my cuts. The water pink and red. **_

_**I sit there with my eyes closed for an hour… Sulking. Crying.**_


	3. Bloody Chain

**Chapter 3- Bloody Chain**

Lying in bed every night is most painful. Because I know I haven't talk to him for months. I count the days. 79 days… Tears well up in my eyes. Tomorrow is August 19. It would've been a year.

I've cut all contact with everyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. Even though Mariah and Sidney have been texting me since the break up… I don't reply. Not even to my Brazilian chicks. No. I don't want to.

The end of 7th grade everyone thought I was weird. Not talking to anyone since the end of spring break. I intend on being alone forever. How could I trust anyone anyways?

Just drop it Bliss. I clenched my fist in anger feeling sharp pain. I hope it doesn't start bleeding again. I don't need blood on my new sheets.

An hour passes and I finally give in and get out of bed. It's 12:01 am. August 19 already. So dark. The house is quiet and I can't see a thing.

I grab my skinny jeans and start getting dressed. I place his chain into a envelope and put it in my pocket. I put my boots on. I leave into the darkness. Walking the streets of Bridgeport, highly afraid of gang- bangers… like Keith.

I know what I'm going to do. I realize the chain still has blood on it, oh well. I walk four blocks to his house. Quietly, I put the envelope with his name in the mailbox. I run trying not to make a sound. This time I walk slow back to my house. A car passes by but slows down. Soon I realize I'm being followed. Maybe they will save the pain and just kill me. I shrug it off and keep walking. The whole time I walk I think of Keith… If he still loves me? If he still thinks of me. Right now I could careless if I died. As long as Keith cries and comes to my funeral. I don't care if I'm hospitalized… as long as I can see Keith once more. I'm sick of being pathetic. Thinking of Keith all the damn time.

I go home and try to figure out what I will do next. I got to sleep. Maybe it will pop in a dream. My answer.


	4. The 19th

**Chapter 4- The 19****th**

I wake up stiff and depressed.

"Bliss, get up breakfast!" my mom yelled.

"Not hungry."

"Your never hungry. You never eat anymore. You lost too much weight. Come eat."

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, NO?!" I stormed out of my room fully dressed heading for the door. She didn't have any intention on stopping me. She knows… she knows what today is.

As soon as I walk out of the door my phone starts ringing. If it's my mother I swear I will break the damn phone. I look at the caller I.D. number but I don't know who it is. It looks like a fimiliar number.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, Bliss?"

"Uh, yeah who's this?"

"Keith." my heart stopped. I wanted to hang up so bad. Just hang up don't put yourself through this.

"You there?"

"Um, yeah. I can't talk right now I'm comiting suicide." I chuckled.

"Oh… um. Ok. Call me back?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." I hung up after he said bye. Shaking in the middle of my drive through, I was about to shed tears of joy… from hearing his voice. Poor pathetic Bliss.

I turned my phone off and just walked around Bridgeport. I want to go to New York… get out of Connecticut for a little while. Nope… But I can't. Stupid sucker. Go to the park.

I can't erase him from my mind. I really can't. I miss him… So much… too much.

I reached the park and sit on the bench. I take out my pocket knife and add to my scars. Three more… Three thiny sliced bloody cuts. All named Keith. Pain, pain, even more, but I deserve pain. Deserve cuts and scars. Deserve death. I need to say goodbye once and for all. I will… one day. I hope it's soon. I wish sooner. Please, please God just take me away. Please? I don't want life. Don't deserve life. I can not live without him. I need to commit suicide. I need to leave. I need to die. To say goodbye.

I can't do this anymore. Soon it will be time to say goodbye. August 19, isn't worth living if I'm not with him. I hate this.


	5. Hate

**Chapter 5- Hate. **

Why won't anyone tell me they hate me? Why is it so hard to admit my idiotic self is hated? I know they all think I'm crazy, but I don't care.

Why is it so hard to kill myself? I need him to tell me he hates me. It will trigger my suicide actions.

Just remember, he fucked you, told you he would love you forever, more than his car, then you let him do it… And he left you. All he wanted was action, it was never love.

I grab the knife under my bed, placing the blade near my heart. Praying for forgiveness. I decide to send him a text before I do it.

To: Keith

_- goodbye. _

I turn my phone off and continue. Tears slide down my cheek. You have to do it Bliss. You will be forgotten, it won't matter. No one wants you. No one needs you.

I don't want my heart to stop. But I want it to slow. So I bring the knife to my stomach. Think of what he did. Keith left you. Forgot you and left you. He doesn't want you.

The blade goes in and my eyes grow wide in pain. I struggle and wince in pain as I take it out. It wont come out.

I shriek and with all my might take it out. I lay on my floor with my shirt covered in blood.

I place the knife beside me, becoming numb. I put my hand on my wound in pain. As I die, I think of him. Why I deserve to die. My eyes close. At that second I hear Noah's faint voice.

Screaming my name and crying. Noah tries to wake me, but it's no use. My mother enters frantic. Once she see's me she falls to her knees, crying.

I block out the noise. I focus on Keith. Now, I know I'm dying. I can't hear a thing. I can't see. All I see are those delightful memories with Keith, that I can never live again.


End file.
